With Rachael out of commission, me in the thick of tax season, and Josef’s school closed, our spring was…hmmm how is a nice way to put it? Atypical?
We were sustained by the goodwill and kindness of our family: Grammanette, Gramheart, Auntie Sarah, Uncle Steve all came to our rescue. I made a calendar accounting for every hour of every day, and these fine folks all stepped in to take a shift. Sarah handled the main lessons at her house, the grandmas did art and gardening, and grandpa did some math and science. Once the filing deadline got extended, I started doing half days, and came home to “teach” in the afternoon. We established a nice rhythm and that really helped get us though.
My “class” was mainly on how to ride a bike. We started learning how to ride a scooter, and then worked our way up. He really was excited to have this new skill. In the morning sometimes he would ride all the way to Sarah’s on his scooter and I would follow along in the car. With OSU campus more or less empty, it was a fantastic place to ride around–no traffic, lots of interesting ramps and pathways. We discovered that the parking garage was completely empty, so it was fun to run up the 5 flights of stairs and then scooter down! Once he got the hang of two-wheeled balance, riding a bike really took no time at all. He was so proud of himself! I made a big deal and hooted and hollered to anyone walking by that he was on his very first bike ride, which pleased him greatly despite his professed embarrassment. Now that we were mobile, we began making Sunday morning donut deliveries to school friends. It was a fun thing to look forward to, a nice way to stay connected with friends, and of course the donuts were delicious!
I won’t lie, my mental health in April was probably at a lifetime low. For those first few weeks, sitting alone in a quiet dark room with a rapidly depleting bottle of bourbon definitely felt like the best course of action. My body was kind of revolting on me too; I’ve never had any lower back pain, but this was the year when I developed a “bad back,” no doubt a manifestation of all the weight I was carrying… Eventually I pulled myself together and tried to build a healthy routine of exercise and meditation for myself, and I did start feeling a bit better. I frequently was able to escape for a couple hours on Sunday and go for a bike ride, which was really restorative.
Josef, by and large, seemed to be pretty content. He was getting tons of attention from family and having his needs met, which largely seemed to consist of Legos and treats. I guess sometimes the profound self-centeredness of childhood is a blessing if it can shield your awareness of the troubles around you over which you have no control.
Honestly, I can’t remember too much more about the spring. It was kind of a black hole that sucked us in. Fortunately we are now well past the event horizon, and good riddance. Nevertheless, despite it all, I can’t help but think that some day I will look back on the Black Spring of 2020 with some level of fondness and nostalgia. I’ve learned that life never gets any simpler, and memories of struggle and pain tend to fade, leaving mostly warm recollections. When I reflect on this spring, I hope to remember that first bike ride, the afternoon adventures on campus, and most of all all the time shared with a 7-year-old who eagerly sought my affection and attention, and whom I could still nurture and protect from this world.
Videos: Below are clips of Josef’s 2nd grade year-end “talent show.” Also a video of his “Sunday Sunny Circus” that he put on for Grammie to bring some joy into the quarantine. (Only for die-hard fans–sorry I couldn’t figure out how to rotate the video…)
